Scared

In the past month (Since christmas vacation started) I have been staying up really late. I mean, that is normal during vacations. Then as vacation ended, I was still staying up later then i should. So i was tired in school, and sleeping in. I know at first it had just become a habit. Now i am realizing after 3 weeks after the holidays ended, that it is not the reason anymore. The reason I have been staying up lately, is because im scared. Not of some silly movie, or anything like that. I am scared of life. Scared of the future, and the responsiblities that lie ahead. I am scared of how i am doing in school, and how i will do in school in the future, and if i will be in school. And the only way I can keep the days away from me longer is if i stay up late. I dont want to have to sleep, it goes much too fast for me, I dont want it to go that fast, So i find that the longer i stay up, the longer i can make each day last, and keep the fears of each day away from me. I hate that im scared of life... I love life, but im just scared about what lies ahead, 1 year from now, 2 years from now, 3 years from now and so on. I wish that i could not sleep, so everything would seem so much longer, to be able to have one whole night in addition to the day. .. The only other way i ever escape from life is when i write, or read. When i write, my stories are never really something that could be truley real, So i find that when i write, i am so caught up and inside my story that i dont have time to worry about anything. I guess that is why none of my stories have endings, because i never let them end, i dont want there to be an end, So i can just write and write forever. Writing is like a drug to me. Some people stop worrying about life with drugs, and well i stop worrying with writing. Like when i read, i guess thats why i read so fast; i dont want to put the book down because i dont want to come back to reality.. I would rather live in a book, and stay there. Books always make things easier. heheh.