Family && Friends, Always Beautiful in my eyes.

i love you all. <3

Not far from breakdown point >:[

I'm seriously going to go nuts. Shelbie's ex boyfriend Micheal hass been living here for 5 months.. I could MAYBE understand that if they were actually going out. But hey broke up after the first 2 weeks he was here. He came down from newfoundland for her, an then she broke up with him. And now she just ditched all of us without telling and cut off our cable and stuff, but thats a different story. I am getting sick of micheal. Literally. Shes gone now, and for some reason that I CANNOT imagine, he is still here. Why? I really don't understand. I don't mean to be mean, but my mom is already tight with the money, and whenever she DOES get money, and goes to buy food or whatever, half the food is gone before anyone gets a chance to eat any of it! And also again, not to be mean, but he stinks.

As soon as someone walks into the house, you can smell it. He sleeps in the room in which all my clothes are, and so every morning I don't want to go in and get clothes for school, in case he wakes up. Do you have ANY idea how annoying that gets? I am still very ticked off right now, and earlier i was very close to tears just for the simple fact that nothing in this house makes sense. I keep telling my mom to tell him to either get a job, get out, or move home. But she wont. She doesnt want to hurt his feelings. But honestly, right now i could csre less about his feelings. It was HIS choice to come down here in the first place, he's 23, he's a grown man, he can get a job, It REALLY isn't that hard. I mean, when we come in he's laying on the couch, he lays on the couch like all day, to the point where his shape is actually beginning to form in the couch.

Now the room he sleeps in stinks, and the living room is starting to stink... Oh, heres another thing, he smokes a cigarette in the bathroom all the time, and then he CLOSES the door when he gets out. I mean, COME ON! How much brains does it take to know that if you close the door the smoke stays in. Which it does. Because then when i open the door and go in, i just about choke on how much smoke comes out. I'm really getting frusterated, I mean, my mom should understand that at this point, it had nothing to do with her, bringing him down. And that sometimes you have to put needs ahead of feelings. What i mean by that is, she will have to tell micheal no matter how upset it will make him. This is what keeps coming to my mind, he is 23, he is 23, he is 23! JESUS! I wanted so badly to just yell at everyone this morning just because of the fact that he's here, leaching off of my mom to live. I know she's not doing anything about it, but it's affecting me too. I can;t stand it.. I'm scared that im going to end up going to school smelling like him, or something. URGGG!! okay, well i am going to stop writing now because im getting upset thinking about it.

I can't write! :(

I can't think of anything to write anymore... I'm freaking out! Honestly, it's like everytime I feel like writing, my mind comes up blank. I mean, I've heard of writers block, but does it really last this long ? How can I be a writer if my mind can't think up anything anymore? It's as though i've run out of creativity. The last thing I wrote was a poem about a week ago, and now I can't think of anything! Argh... I am trying SO hard to write something creative, but I can't. I've been doodleing in my notebooks.... DOODLEING!!! that's not like me at all. I HATE doodleing. I usually just write in my notebooks, and maybe draw a couple of doodles, but that's it! But NOW.. now, i'm talking pages [HUGE,FULL] pages, beyond pages of DOODLES! GAH! I need something exciting or interesting to happen in order to base some sort of writing piece off of that. I need my brain to be refreshed.. or.. hmmm... Is there an 'erase all' Button that refers to my brain, by any chance? Because it's quite possible that my brain is acting as a computer and the memory is all used up.

Maybe that's why in the past year i've been so forgetful. See, take this entry for example; I've only gotten to a little more then half a page, and it has been about 20 minutes. What's up with that?! Usually, it takes me like 5, at most 10 minutes to jot down something this easy. This isn't even creative... it's basically like a diary entry, I shouldn't even really need to think about this. Oh, anyways, I'm going to stop writing now. maybe, HOPEFULLY, i'll write again soon.. Maybe even something INTERESTING!