Late Night Random

Im a useless stone.

Don't ask why I chose the word stone. I guess because that too, is useless.
Anyways. Honestly, I dont know what to do. I have no will-power, which prevents me from having the will to have a will-power because i have none to start with. No, im not trying to be funny. I think my voice has permanently gone monotone. Hey, at least I'm not cutting myself like some other idiots do when their sad and stupid. Nope, i'm just moping. Maybe not even that much. I kinda want to throw something, but I won't because I know it wont change how I feel. And besides, I don't think im angry. My foot's asleep. As i should be. At least something thats part of me knows what its doing. The clock is ticking right now, usually its sound soothes me, but tonight its just pissing me off. Its just ike tick, tick,tick, tick, tick, endlessly. Just shut up already, who cares about the time? I'll sleep after this though, Not like I have anything better to do. besides read. But my eyes are too heavy. Don't take that as a sign that I'll fall asleep when I go lie down, it'll take a while. Because as soon as I lay down my eyes will be light again, and thoughts will pop out of nowhere and voila, i lay awake listening to the stupid, agitating sound of the clock ticking off another second, every second, of my life. Hey, that's a good line I just wrote, If I were writing still, I'd use it in a story. I better go to school tomorrow. I'll like, kick myself if I dont. [For you francis lol.. but yeah, so that's me trying to make myself have will-power. I'll try. My alarm is set and i am promising that i'll try. I promise to try. I won't promise you i'll go because I hate breaking promises, and I am not sure if i'll be able to keep that one] I kind of just want to sit here and stare at the computer screen, but I know I can't. Sleep. Sleep is good. If i ever did sleep. I think I gained weight too. Thats embarrassing to write. But I dont care. Anyways, I suppose I should go lay down and listen to the clock now. Goodnight. Good morning, whatever you want to call it. I just mean to say bye,

Tick tock

Tick tock,
Time just wont stop,

Tick tock,
Please make the clock stop!

Tick tock,
Times running out,

Tick tock,
My life’s moving on,

Tick tock,
Why can’t it just leave me here?

Tick tock,
I don’t want to move,

Tick tock,
Im scared of what will come,

Tick tock,
The numbers keep moving,

Tick tock,
Yet the final date is solid,

Tick tock,
Tick tock,
Tick tock,
I’m gone.

Tick tock,
Tick tock,
I can’t stop it,

Tick tock,
Tick tock,
Help,

Tick tock,
The number’s keep rising,

Tick tock,
Then falling,

Tick tock,
The same thing over,

Tick tock,
I’ve seen those numbers before,

Tick tock,
Im panicking,

Tick tock,
The clock stops.

Silence.
I can’t hear it.

Silence.
Maybe I can fix everything,

Until the clock ticks again.
Again, Silence.

Shh,
Maybe if im quiet, it’s wont sound again.

Tick tock,
I was wrong.
Tick tock,

Life goes on,

Tick tock,
While others do also,

Tick tock,
So should I.

Tick tock,
The end,

2012

I dont get it.

I'm scared to death of 2012 happening. But I shouldn't be. I mean, I believe in god, and not only was it the mayan's who predicted 2012, but it was also mentioned in the bible. So I basically only have two options.. Believe in 2012 along with believing in god.. or, don't believe in 2012 and don't beleive in god. Wow, that sounds confusing, i know.. but it's true.. If god meant for something to happen in 2012, and it doesn't happen.. wouldn't that mean he's not real? So if i'm scared of dying in 2012, doesn't that also mean I don't believe in god? I don't knpw how to explain it.. but anyways, I just thought that I'd write that, it was just on my mind.. I'm going to try and not be afraid of 2012, if it happens, it happens, and if it does, i should end up somewhere other than a coffin in a graveyard... And if it doesn't... well, we'll see when that day comes...

Gooooodnight :)

Not Much To Say.

So i'll make this quick.

I'm sad, for no apparant reason. I have everyone telling me I look sad, or asking me what's wrong, but I don't know why, and I keep saying nothing. I can't explain it, but it's an empty feeling I have, and it's making me sad. Just random,inexplicable sadness, that will probably only end when 2009 does. Yes, i'm back in this 2009 thing. It hates me, i'm sure of it. It's so far burned my scalp to the degree that I can no longer grow hair in that particular spot, It's given me a giant knot causing me to have to chop off half of my hair, It's given me lice twice(once when i had the knot) It's made me inexplicably sad and it wont even let me find out why im sad. It's caused me anger worst than any other i've ever experienced in my life, It's given me sleep deprivation, and fear of nothing. It's given me my worst anxiety attacks of death, and it's given me the flu(way back in march) It's given me the worst experiences of my life.. and that is how I know 2009 hates me. The only thing that 2009 can't change is the fact that 2010 is in three months. That's the only good thing at the moment I can think of. That, and, of course Franky coming back to Montreal in less than 3 weeks. Anyways, I will just go to sleep now,
Goodnight blogger people.
My next blog will be the same unless it's 2010.

Im lost. Idk. Maybe.

Okay, im eating a nugget at the moment... Anyways, I was thinking of changing school's.. I can't get up in the morning, it's just not my thing.. So I was thinking of going to a school where the time varies, and the one im thinking of is only like a 20 minute walk from my house. Or i could just take the bus and i'd be there in 5 minutes. So it's a pretty good option. Im also starting to doubt myself. Im losing confidence in my writing, which to me, is worst than being stabbed. Writing is my life, and for the past 6 years, always has been. It's something where, I can take all of my feelings, weather they be anger,sadness,happiness,love,etc.. and turn it into a story.. and the best part is that no one could judge it... because to everyone else, it would be fictional, and entertaining. And another reason why I can't live without writing is that it's my drug. Im addicted. When people turn to alchohal, or E, or weed even, it makes them feel better, and for me, writing makes me feel better.. without all the trouble of hang over's and over doses! So, obviously, I'm passionate about my writing,, if I didn't write, i wouldnt know what to do with myself. I'd feel naked, and alone. Because when I write, every single piece of my feelings go into what i'm writing, it's everything I can't say, or wont say on a piece of paper, disguised by fiction. And when it's done, it's mine. People can read it, they can like it, they can hate it, but no one can take credit for it. It's mine, and people can read it, completely clueless as to what the actual meaning is behind it, or the real inspiration.. but it's like venting without judgement. So I really can't live without it... But seeing as im losing faith in myself.. I don;t know what to do, or how to deal with it, who am I to talk to seeing as my writing is starting to slip away? I have people to talk to, but honestly, it's not the same.

Anyways, that's my blog for today :)