Okay, So this year, my resolutions shall be early instead of late.. Here it goes.. Oh btw, i'm writing the list in new years style, like 3,2,1 happy new years? yeah okay..
10)Get my grades up in my new school
9)Go on the computer less
8)Stop stressing over my hair BEFORE I end up with gray hair
7)Get myself organized (Get room together,make lists,etc)
6)START READING AGAIN!!
5)START WRITING AGAIN!!!!!
4)Stop stressing, period.
3)Lose 30 pounds.
2)Remember to wash makeup off before bed so it doesn't smudge in the morning.
1)Get over this whole inexplicable sadness thing.
HAPPY NEW YEARS!!!
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
OMG MISSED ANNIVERSARY
Omg, omg,.. I missed the one year anniversary of how long i've been using blogger.. It would have been September 18th! Damn, oh well.. three.. maybe four months late.. not too bad,.. hehe.. anyways.. Yeah, September 18th in 2008 is when I started to write on blogger.. Thats crazy, I can't believe it's been over a year! Well, I'm going to close this blog up now so I can write another one.. New Years Resolutions.. hah.
HAPPY LATE ANNIVERSARY BLOGGER! WOOOHOO
HAPPY LATE ANNIVERSARY BLOGGER! WOOOHOO
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
R.I.P Nelly..
Nelly was my beloved teddy bear.. It was given to me for christmas by Miranda and francis.. It was the first teddy bear I had in years.. and then after only one year of posessing it.. my dog jsut yesterday devoured it.. I literally almost cried because it meant alot to me.. only because of whom it was given to me by..and of how much meaning it held...
Anywho.. My poor teddy bear Nelly.. :(
Anywho.. My poor teddy bear Nelly.. :(
Life is totally random,
So.. you're there, just minding your own business, and all of a sudden.. Life comes right up behind you and slaps you in the face.
Dont you hate when that happens? When you don't even know what hit you? You realize your life's going down the tubes and you seriously need to change that? It sucks. And the worst part is no matter what it happens.. Whether its socially,mentally,at work,at school.. it happens. And it falls right on top of you and it falls oh, so hard. It just that one day you're sitting there on your couch or at your computer for like, the millionth night in a row, and it hits you. You think, Where am I going?What's going to happen next? ...Er.. my train of thought just vanished.. I have no idea where im going with this.. but anyways, yeah.. So when that happens it sucks.. and things just go wrong and you dont know what to do about it..
Well anyways.. I felt like writing something, and I did.. One thing accomplished on my mental to-do list, right in between getting a life, and doing better in school. Woohoo for life.
Dont you hate when that happens? When you don't even know what hit you? You realize your life's going down the tubes and you seriously need to change that? It sucks. And the worst part is no matter what it happens.. Whether its socially,mentally,at work,at school.. it happens. And it falls right on top of you and it falls oh, so hard. It just that one day you're sitting there on your couch or at your computer for like, the millionth night in a row, and it hits you. You think, Where am I going?What's going to happen next? ...Er.. my train of thought just vanished.. I have no idea where im going with this.. but anyways, yeah.. So when that happens it sucks.. and things just go wrong and you dont know what to do about it..
Well anyways.. I felt like writing something, and I did.. One thing accomplished on my mental to-do list, right in between getting a life, and doing better in school. Woohoo for life.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Ch.1.. Boy Meets... Demon? - Story | Get More Stories at Quizilla
Ch.1.. Boy Meets... Demon? - Story | Get More Stories at Quizilla
so far I have 2 chapters :) I will add the third soon.
so far I have 2 chapters :) I will add the third soon.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
I'm Going To TRY.
Okay. Im going to try and stop feeling sorry for myself, and stop complaining to a stupid web page. No offense blogger :) But yeah, if I really can't take it, I wiill write it down, if i really feel the need. I am going to try and help myself.. though I have no idea how too... I don't know how to fix any of my problems right now, but somehow.. I'll try. I mean, Im starting at a different school probably soon. I could think of it as.. a fresh start. I dont see how that has anything to do with my problems, but i still like to think of a new school as a new start. It helps. Anyways, this'll have to be a short blog. Im going to try and FORCE myself to sleep. I will repeat these words over in my head "Sleep will come, sleep will come, candice sleep, sleep, " I dont know, lol, i'll find some way, and hopefully I'll sleep. So I will go to sleep now... The clock's still in here, maybe i'll try and let it sooth me, instead of forcing my mind to hate the sound.. Dont ask where that came from, I dont know. So yeah, Good night/ Morning....
Monday, December 7, 2009
Random thoughts, thinking while im not sleeping..
Who cares? I don’t. The world changes. My feelings change. Everything changes. It’s stupid yet makes sense. It’s beautiful and ugly. I can’t explain it. Who can? Nobody can read me better than I can, but then what to do when I can’t anymore?
How to explain my.. my, sadness, I suppose I could put it? How to explain my sadness, I don’t know. It’s a mixture. It hurts. That’s what I can tell you. It hurts. It sickens me. It’s unexplained, and that’s the worst part. Something invisible is pulling on me, somehow feeding me sadness that I have no idea about. Always just a sad, down, bored feeling. It’s hard to explain it precisely. Here is how I’ll explain it. When I think about my life, I don’t care. I used to love my best friend, and now it feel’s like I don’t. I feel like the world is empty and there’s nothing exciting, or new to it. I hear my voice, it sounds different. I see myself, I look different… And most importantly, I feel different. I don’t want to discover things, I don’t want to learn things, I don’t want to care. I don’t want to go places, I don’t want to talk, I don’t want to feel. I want to feel numb, and the only person I want to talk to is, I don’t know, not the same. I don’t feel the same with that person anymore. The voice of this person used to cheer me up, make me feel better, make me not want to cry. But for some reason, it’s not doing that anymore. I feel worst. I find myself aimlessly feeling weird feelings, some I’ve never felt. I can't even sleep anymore. It’s stupid. I want to ignore it. I want to deny it, and accept it, and cry over it, and fix it, but I cant. I’m sick with it. It’s an endless feeling of nervousness and I can’t stop it. I hate it. I hate it. See? There I go with anger again. It bounces. From sad, to angry, to sad, to angry, to jealousy, to annoyance, to unbearable, to frustration. I never said I wanted to play ball. I don’t want my emotions being uncontrollable. But they are. They are. I can’t change them, I can’t alter them, I can’t fix them. I can’t begin to try to change it because I don’t know what the hell is bothering me. I don’t feel happy even around my friends. I find myself pretending to laugh, pretending to smile, pretending to be happy, when I’m honestly not. All I want is to be alone, to not be bothered.. but I’m scared of that. I’m scared of being alone. It makes me feel hopeless, and trapped. But I want it. It kills me to not be able to fix my problem. It kills me to not be in charge of myself. It really does.
Soooo goodnight...
How to explain my.. my, sadness, I suppose I could put it? How to explain my sadness, I don’t know. It’s a mixture. It hurts. That’s what I can tell you. It hurts. It sickens me. It’s unexplained, and that’s the worst part. Something invisible is pulling on me, somehow feeding me sadness that I have no idea about. Always just a sad, down, bored feeling. It’s hard to explain it precisely. Here is how I’ll explain it. When I think about my life, I don’t care. I used to love my best friend, and now it feel’s like I don’t. I feel like the world is empty and there’s nothing exciting, or new to it. I hear my voice, it sounds different. I see myself, I look different… And most importantly, I feel different. I don’t want to discover things, I don’t want to learn things, I don’t want to care. I don’t want to go places, I don’t want to talk, I don’t want to feel. I want to feel numb, and the only person I want to talk to is, I don’t know, not the same. I don’t feel the same with that person anymore. The voice of this person used to cheer me up, make me feel better, make me not want to cry. But for some reason, it’s not doing that anymore. I feel worst. I find myself aimlessly feeling weird feelings, some I’ve never felt. I can't even sleep anymore. It’s stupid. I want to ignore it. I want to deny it, and accept it, and cry over it, and fix it, but I cant. I’m sick with it. It’s an endless feeling of nervousness and I can’t stop it. I hate it. I hate it. See? There I go with anger again. It bounces. From sad, to angry, to sad, to angry, to jealousy, to annoyance, to unbearable, to frustration. I never said I wanted to play ball. I don’t want my emotions being uncontrollable. But they are. They are. I can’t change them, I can’t alter them, I can’t fix them. I can’t begin to try to change it because I don’t know what the hell is bothering me. I don’t feel happy even around my friends. I find myself pretending to laugh, pretending to smile, pretending to be happy, when I’m honestly not. All I want is to be alone, to not be bothered.. but I’m scared of that. I’m scared of being alone. It makes me feel hopeless, and trapped. But I want it. It kills me to not be able to fix my problem. It kills me to not be in charge of myself. It really does.
Soooo goodnight...
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