At peace [poem]]

The sun has set and,
Life on my part of the world has stopped for the moment.
I feel more alive than I have in months,
As I sit and gaze at the darkness.

I wish I could touch the invisibility,
Of the night.
Just to be sure that it's real.
To be sure that it is there.

I can hear waves in the distance,
The low call of an owl.
I can feel the wind on my skin,
And I can smell the scent of the rain.

Serenity engulfs me,
And for the first time in what seems like years,
I let myself feel the peace,
That is slowly over taking me.

i dont even know what to call this

I am typing..
And Neela is next to me.
Yeah, neela;s on my blog now.
Hahaha.
Facebooooook is nooooot working. :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
im at school.
No im not.
Or am i?
Im also on coffee.
Or caffeine
Or chocolate?
Pizza?
Whaaa?
RIICE!
About.com.
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tai die.
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PERFROMED BY:
MEEE

yeah im hyperishness ish? What?

untitled,

This may not be my best poem but oh well.

I thought I knew what I wanted,
But currently look back and ask myself why,
Why I was so stupid.
Why I so intensely believe my twisted version of the truth.

When that truth was but a lie,
Some perception invented falsely in my brain,
Beleiving anything, any words, so desperate,
To hold on to something that never existed.

Something I was so convinced of,
So intwined in, ridiculously.
Why could I not differianate the two?
Reality, and thought?

Where, then, was my brain?
When I was being led by lies?
Unintentionally, and gradually, so caught up in unrealness
To a point where depression could possess me.

Where life meant little, and love everything,
'love' yes, such a scary and fake word.
A word with lie stored inside it,
Where did the lie come in to tact?

Was it that first 'feeling' ?
Or those stupid first words?
Stupidity allowed me to believe,
that everything made sense,

That everything was real,
But in whose opinion was it evedr?
If it was, where's the proof?
And why, if it was, do I feel so incredibly dumb?

Where, ever was the happiness?
The content that love is said to be?
I never felt it,
Maybve, it never was real.

Trying to forget stupidity is impossible,
Remembering is all but too easy,
Where is my morphine for the feeling?
Because I feel the prodding scalpel too intensely.

Emotion of a memory

Memories over the years, tend to fade. Though, when you do recall the faded memory, it then tends to be intensified. With every old memory comes emotions. Weather they be anger, content, satisfaction, jealousy, love, hatred or sadness... You have an emotion stored in every memory. Each that you remember has significance or meaning. But which emotion with a memory comes worse, but guilt? It over powers every other emotion within the memory. So people ask, how can a murder, or a rapist live with themselves after causing so much misery to another human being? A person just like them? Who breathes, and eats, and sleeps and Feels? How can they swallow down that guilt so easily when such a memory resurfaces to the conscious mind? Re seeing the terrified face of a little girl, or the crying eyes of a man thinking of his only daughter never to see her again. How do you over power such an emotion? Guilt is a strong emotion that you feel being born in the pit of your stomach. Almost like something squeezing and tying together your intestines, and working its way up past your now fast paced heart, Wrapping itself around that as well. Pushing further to the throat, hovering at the point where nothing can stay long before you vomit, it hovers until you feel like you WILL vomit, then it returns mysteriously back to its birth place.

Every time until you either do something rash, or beg for forgiveness. That is how most people work. Then you have those criminals who work the opposite way. Instead of feeling guilt, they feel satisfaction. They do not suffer from the evil that becomes a part of you, and slowly drives you insane. Sometimes I wonder if maybe those who feel no guilt, felt guilt so many times in their past but refused to release the evil by apologizing, that now it's just a normal feeling like happiness, and now, they are just used to it. As if their body adapted to it and now they can just no longer acknowledge the feeling. Maybe, I wonder, THAT is what drives them to be so insane. Those who trap the feeling inside, allowing themselves to go insane. Because, otherwise, how could someone not wind up killing themselves with the over powering guilt that possesses you after doing something horrid? Personally, I wouldn't need to kill myself, I would just naturally die with the way that the guilt raps around my organs, slowly and painfully breaking every part of me apart. The guilt for me, would get worse and worse with every memory of a terrible past.

Not my poem. -I wish love were pixie dust-

I wish this poem were pixie dust
To throw into your eyes
And make you see the loveliness
Beneath my sad disguise.

And I would take you in my arms
And weave a magic spell
That I could utter anytime
To make you love me well.

But alas my simple words
Are like summer rain
That drums on hills and fields and hearts,
Then vanishes again.

And though my love might make you bloom,
You turn with fragile grace
To gaze in aching loneliness
At someone else's face.

We lust for what we cannot have,
A long, unbroken chain
Of lovers who remain unloved
And loved who love in vain.

While I'm near mad with wanting you
As trees must have the sun,
You cannot help but find a love
Who loves another one.

~ Nicholas Gordon

I love you..

Your thoughts are silent,
But I know what your thinking,
Your heart, it pulses in sync with mine,
I can feel it beating against your skin.

My emotions are vulnerable near you,
I am weak and cannot think.
Is that how love is suppose to be ?
I follow without my eyes, and instead, with my heart.

Your voice is my music,
How I love to hear any words you say.
Your kiss is my haven,
Our souls merging into one.

I forget the stress within your presence,
My heart forgets to beat a moment,
Yet I am more alive than I have ever been in my life.
I can't live without you, As you are my heart.

You are my stability, What holds me up,
I forget how to stand without you.
Kiss me softly, and I feel the truth,
I can't help how I feel, immensely,

So intensely.. I love you.

I want to go back to that

I remember a simple time. An easy time. A time where talking was possible without having to make sure it's something allowable to say.

I tend to miss that time everyday. I tried to make it like that again. Acting how I used to during that time, pulling back memories from that time and replaying them. But it's not just in me that there was a change. How am I suppose to recreate that time when, in reality, there is absolutely NOTHING the same as then? I'm not even the same person.. I don't know why i'm trying. It's like an impossible task. Yeah that's right, I said impossible. And yeah, that's right i'm giving up. I really don't know how to go back in time. If I could I would in a second. Everything is way too difficult now, and I really wish it weren't.