Stressed

My life right now seems hectic, nothing seems normal anymore... not that it actually is anyways, But through-out my life, whenever my mom is feeling her beer, she tells the truth, she says exactly what's on her mind and what she is going to do. So last night, She was telling me how i was starting to get an attitude and that i was starting to be like my older brother Corey, I know for a fact that I am most definatly moody,which is normal for a teenager, but i will admit i am more then moody most times, but i hate it because my mother just assumes that i am like corey, assumes that i am somehow a bad person, when im not.. How would she know? She never took the time to ask me what might be bothering me, or what is on my mind, no, never.. See, thats the problem between my mom and I, we just cant communicate, we can't talk about anything.

I recall my cousin AND my mom telling me how much less moody i had been when i was with David, and even i noticed it.. I was. Which is why i can;t understand that my mom doesnt think i have a reason to be moody, or not even moody, more ... upset which makes me edgy. I am not too soon going to get over David, probably not for a while either, but sooner or later, i should lighten up a bit, but until my mom can actually sit down and ask me whats wrong, I cant' just forgive her for saying the things she said. I have tried to sit down and talk with her many times, but on those occasions, she simply just brushes me off.. The only time she takes the time to talk with anyone, really, is when she is completely drunk, but then there isnt really that much of a point in talking to her about anything then there is there? Considering she wouldnt remember anything the next day.

So anyways, She was telling me that i would have to go live with my dad, and she would leave with my cousin and my brother so she had time to "figure" things out. All i really want is for her to talk with me, without being drunk, without being in a bad mood. Because of the problem of zero communication, I have trouble wanting to sit down and talk with her now, i have always wanted to, but now that she pushes me away, and tells me the things she does.. I dont know anymore if i do. It bugs me to have to come home after school, i woul rather go to a friends house.. well not even a friends house, just a place where i could escape all of it.. Maybe a library to read.. if only there were a world with unlimited money, or n othing cost money and everything stayed open 24/7, and i had a book that lasted forever, i would be in PARADISE.

I talk to my friends about most of my problems, but their advice doesnt always help. But i know two people who are always here for me, and they give great advice, and i feel like i can trust them with everything i say, and i love them to death... Francis and Miranda are the best people i know, I love doing things with them, and going places with them, and im so happy that they are in my life, Whenever i am with them, my problems never come to my mind, I wish i could just stay with them. But of course, I couldnt, because my mom would never let me :( Anyways, i am off :)